someone threw a dead crab at me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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