somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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