youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
