I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
