can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
