She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
