Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
