I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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