she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize