shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
