I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
