He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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