i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
birth control should be required to get into college
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
