Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
