My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
