Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
