i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
