umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
