at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Every concussion has its silver lining
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
