I CAN MOONWALK!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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