i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
