so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
