There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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