Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
