I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
