4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
