whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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