youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
