Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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