If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
