The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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