Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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