that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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