i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
