There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
