i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
