glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Randomize
