New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
