We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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