I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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