I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
