i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
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im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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