My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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