I cockslap morals
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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