His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
