Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
