Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
