shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
