He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Verdict: uncircumcised.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
