He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
