So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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