I will die if light touches me.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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