Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
