She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
