Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
