I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
