Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
