please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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