its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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