i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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