Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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