Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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