Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
