so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
