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Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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