girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
