I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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