During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have aggressive nipples.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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