Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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