the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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