Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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